• Reignite Your Spark With… Pokemon Go!

    pokemon goI know, I know, you’re tired of hearing about Pokemon Go. We’ve all heard about the problems of Pokemon Go: car accidents, pedestrians suddenly stopping right in front of you, and people falling off of cliffs in search of that elusive Pikachu. Pokemon Go is like the Backstreet Boys of the 90s, you either love it or hate it. My husband and I have become shameless Pokemon Go players. One of the things I love about this game is our constant motivation to get off our couch and try new things. This game has helped us get out of our Netflix rut and into something that strengthens our relationship. 

    If you took a Psychology class in college you might have heard about Sternberg’s triangle theory of love. The three points of the triangle are intimacy (friendship), passion, and commitment. When you combine different points of the triangle, you come up with 7 different kids of love. The typical course of love goes like this: triangle theory of love

    You meet your significant other and the beginnings of intimacy develop. You share laughs, smiles, common interests, and you begin to like each other (the top of the triangle). As your relationship progresses you add passion to your intimacy and find yourself infatuated with your partner (bottom left). Your significant other grows in significance until they occupy your every thought. Friendship and physical intimacy grow and you want to shout your love from the roof tops. This is it! I’ve found the one! You become convinced that love conquers all and make plans to spend the rest of your life together. That’s when commitment comes in (bottom right) . You can’t imagine a time when you won’t have the consummate love that has enriched your life. But then life happens. Children, financial problems, in-law conflicts, illnesses, and other life stresses begin to take their toll on your once indestructible relationship. Physical intimacy and passion move to the back burner, pushed aside by work obligations, family conflicts, and daily fatigue. Your love moves from consummate love to companionate love, love grounded in commitment and friendship. This is not a bad thing. Love is fluid and adaptive to your life circumstances. Your flame of love that once felt like a bonfire has simmered down to the type of flame you roast marshmallows on. Warm, cozy, and comfortable. The problem is, if you don’t kindle the fire, the flame will extinguish. That’s called empty love. Love that exists only in the embers of your commitment.

    So what does Pokemon Go have to do with any of this? Pokemon Go can help you kindle your fire in 3 ways: 

    1. Pokemon Go helps you reminisce to an easier time

      • Do you remember the way you felt when you first fell in love with your partner? People often describe it as feeling like a kid again. You probably found yourself laughing and doing things with a freedom you hadn’t felt since you were a child. Playing Pokemon Go together can help you reconnect with your inner child and think of times when you weren’t swamped with bills, honey-do lists, and whatever else is piled on you. When you are outside running around yelling “I found a pony!” you can’t help but think about the good ole’ days. As you spend more time thinking about the positive memories in your relationship, your current perception of your relationship improves as well.
    2. Pokemon Go gets your heart beatingendorphins

      • There is a wealth of evidence saying that exercise is good for just about everything. Did you know that there is a scientific explanation for why exercising can make you feel more in love? Passionate love and physical exercise produce similar physiological responses: increased heart rate, shortness of breath, and increase in blood pressure. Social psychology research has shown that the brain isn’t good at determining the specific cause of physiological responses. So, if you exercise with your romantic partner, your brain can assume that your increased heart rate, shortness of breath, and elevated blood pressure is due to your attraction to your partner. Finding your partner attractive is like adding kindling to your fire!
    3. Pokemon Go helps you try new things together

      • When you first start dating someone everything feels exciting because everything is new. Passion and novelty go hand in hand. In time, you’ve spent enough time together and you know exactly what your partner is going to order when you go to your favorite restaurant. You fall into a routine that is comfortable and familiar. There is nothing wrong with comfortable and familiar, it’s what breeds stability. The problem is our brains still desire the rush that comes from experiencing new things from time to time. One healthy way to continue to experience that rush is to try new things as a couple. It can be a vacation, trying a new restaurant, picking up a new hobby, or learning something new together. Pokemon Go is great because it can encompass all of those things. You might find yourself trying a new restaurant because you were lured there by a Pokestop. You could decide to go on a vacation to the beach so you can find a rare water Pokemon. However you decide to use it, Pokemon Go can spice up your love life with new adventures!

    Of course, if Pokemon Go doesn’t light your fire, that’s okay. You can take these 3 principles and find other ways to bring the spark back into your relationship. Do whatever works best for you!


    If you’d like a little extra help relighting your fire give me a call at (702)-751-0540 to schedule an appointment!

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